Sunday Sentiments is an attempt to record what God has been teaching me and the way in which He does it.
Friday night I went to a show at the Cannery Ballroom where there's no seating. Just a room full of standing space.
There was a blatant lack of crowd etiquette by certain concert attendees and we suffered for it.
Stepped on, almost elbowed in the face, shoved past, tall people in our space- literally. Short people, such as my friends and I, got no respect.
I felt invisible, marginalized, overlooked.
Three tall guys tried to edge from the middle, where my friends and I stood, to the front. They must have deemed it a lost cause. They stayed right in front of us and flirted with the girls now in front of them so they could take our space. A part of me wondered how I'd react if they'd chosen to flirt with us instead.
Nothing makes me feel shorter than being in the middle of a crowd.
Nothing makes me feel more insecure than being overlooked. I wondered why other people stand out.
A friend told me once that when she walks into a party, she's in the middle of the action and everyone notices. She said that I tend to go to the side, intentionally connecting with a few people. She said by the end of the night, everyone hopes to have spent time with me, that my personality draws them in by the end instead of at the start the way she does.
It's generally true. I'm friendly and outgoing but I never want the attention of a whole crowd. It matters more that I get to know a few people better.
But Friday night, none of that mattered. I wanted to be noticed, at least enough to stop getting stepped on.
In the past, a moment like this would have ruined my night. The feelings of insecurity would have engulfed. This night, however, I brushed past the flickers and focused on the music. I let that wash over me instead of lies that I don't matter.
I remembered that God notices me and knows me better than anyone ever will, down to the number of hairs on my head.
Maybe next time I'm in the crowd, cute guys will flirt with me as a trade off for a better view. Come to think of it, I'd prefer a cute guy flirting with me because I'm the better view. But if it doesn't happen, I'll rest secure in who God has told me I am. Beloved, Noticed, Found.