Thursday, January 20, 2011

Awakenings

In order to share my thoughts about chapter 6 of @StickyJesus, I have to bring up another Read-Along I'm participating in right now.  The recent chapters I read for the Your Secret Name Read-Along stirred up some memories from my past and intertwined with the present in an interesting way.

I had no idea how I should write about it.

Or if I should write about it.

Except that I knew that I needed to write it.  So I went back to the how of writing it.

I try to read the assigned Read-Along chapters at least a couple of days before the post is "due" so that I have time to ponder and percolate.  But every time I sat down to write Tuesday's post, I couldn't.

I started to pray about what I should write, which is probably what I should have done as soon as I read the chapters.  I just hoped the words would magically come to me.

I prayed and then I sat down to write and the words still didn't come.  I thought I would type the post before Bible study Monday night but it didn't happen.  And then, while I should have been paying attention to the Beth Moore video, the words came.  I suddenly knew the point of my reaction and how it was related and what God was trying to get through to me.

I Want Love came quickly together once I arrived back home from Bible study.

I hoped it was an accurate reflection.  Actually, I hoped it was just plain coherent.

I never expected the outpouring of supportive comments.  I definitely didn't expect that my experiences, past and present, would be encouraging to someone else.  I've shared my story of past depression and suicidality for so long now that I don't always remember the impact it has on listeners.  I worry that I write about my struggle with being single too much, that I'll be viewed as complaining about the same old thing.  Even though the link between my self-esteem and marital status was revelatory to me, I didn't think it would minister to anyone else.
"He will allow situations that put a spotlight on the yet unsurrendered places of your heart that may trip others up." -p.86
The response I received was humbling and such an unexpected blessing.  I think it also helped sink these particular lessons a little further down into my soul.

Chapter 6 mentions what it would be to have an "awakened heart."  I love the idea of my heart hurting for what hurts God's heart, not for the sake of pain but to be able to view the world through His eyes.  Living a life that intentionally seeks depth and authenticity in all relationships.  Remaining open to the process of sanctification. Caring for others out of compassion and kindness, especially when I could use some of that myself.  Seeing beyond myself.  Reaching the lost.  Truly loving people. Growing.

I aspire to have an awakened heart.  I aspire to be transparent.

I want this blog to become a community of awakened hearts.  But it's like many things in life: sometimes we must be the change we wish to see.

This post was written for the @StickyJesus Read-Along hosted by Michelle Sarabia.

Disclosure: Amazon Affiliate links included in this post. If you click through to Amazon from HopefulLeigh, any purchase you make supports this site.

6 comments:

  1. isn't it true, leigh? that once we can step outside of ourselves just long enough to ask god to break our heart for the things that break his, that it actually starts to happen? and yet...somehow i get pulled back in to my own thoughts and wants and needs and desires...because i prefer/am most comfortable lugging around my own heavy burden to his light one, i suppose.

    friend, thank you for your courage to be so transparent. you are very brave.

    xo

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  2. earlier this week i was so caught up in one of my husband's faults (can't remember which one) when i settled in for my routine of reading through Isaiah. I don't like the book of Isaiah, but I'm trying to read through the whole Bible so I trudging through.

    I was reading about God smiting someone and He pressed on my heart that I'm not near as concerned about my husband experiencing the wrath of God as I ought to be. that's his future if he doesn't accept Christ.

    why is it so difficult to look outside of ourselves and see what He sees?

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  3. love this..leigh. beautiful. knocking the four walls down of our insulated lives is heard...but the freedom and blessing is priceless...
    thanks for sharing this so well. xo

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  4. I get the link between marital status and identity. For a man it’s monetary status – this has not been my strong suit – so a big part of my male “identity” is always on display, and always lacking. God is my strong suit – but that doesn’t pay bills.

    And the awakened heart thing – I suddenly have it – IT HURTS – all this feeling of other’s pain – ughhhgg.

    I heart your words Leigh.

    Thank you for this

    God Bless and keep you and yours.

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  5. @MK, it can be a constant struggle to remain honed into that way of doing life vs. getting caught up in our own junk. But I think, or rather hope, that if we keep at it, it'll get easier over time. Thank you, as always, for your gracious response!

    @Brooke, it sounds like you had a mighty realization! The trick is to keep it at the forefront of everything so that all you do is filtered through that lens. I will be praying for your husband!

    @LifeLived, thank you for stopping by! Blushing from your compliment:)

    @Craig, I feel like we are old friends already! The link between money and identity, I can see how that would be a tough one. Then adding having an awakened heart, which is not ruled by money, and it can be quite the conundrum. But God will use your willingness to hurt, I know it.

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  6. A heart awakened to the things of God. Yes, I want that, too.

    Beautiful, heartfelt post.

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