Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Big vs. Little Dependence

When I first started to read chapter 3 of Radical, I thought, "but I've already done this!"  I have had some "God can move mountains" moments in my life.  In fact, the biggest one happened this year.

A quick recap for those of you who are new: I read Crazy Love about a year and a half ago and was challenged to consider an area of my life where I was living out in faith, where if God didn't show up, I'd be in big trouble. I was shocked to realize that I couldn't come up with anything. Yes, I rely on God for strength to do my best at work but I knew that I have some talents and skills that help too.  That led to much prayer about how I could learn to be more dependent on God.  Which led to my decision this past November that I would not renew my apartment lease in May because I was going to step out in faith and move to Nashville.

I started looking for social work jobs in February and heard back fairly quickly about my dream job.  Then I didn't hear anything for almost 2 months.  I knew I was moving one way or another so I started mentally preparing to be a nanny again.  (I was actually excited about this, my parents not so much).  Six weeks before the move, I came out to Nashville to see my best friend and find a place to live. Two days before that particular trip, I was contacted by my dream job to see if I was still interested in the job.  Yes, I was.  Oh, and did I happen to mention I would be in town?  An interview was quickly arranged, which went fantastically well.  You might say it went God-ordained well.

I looked at places to live.  Hmm.  How about a duplex just 5 blocks away from Tracy, Joel, and Anna?  Sounds good to me!  I came back home and continued packing.  I then had a phone interview with my dream job.  They had more interviews to do and were not planning on making a decision until the end of May, at least a week after my planned move.  Through it all, I felt at peace about my decision to move to Nashville.  I was nervous about it, as it's a huge change, but I knew that things would work out and that my faith would be strengthened as a result.  Which is what it was all about anyway.

Long story short, I was offered my dream job 4 days before I moved!  House, job, new friends, being closer to my best friend.  Everything about this move has had God's handprint all over it.  Adjusting to Nashville hasn't been all lollipops and sugar plums but I continue to feel that this is my home now and that I am doing the work I was meant to do.  It is a beautiful thing and such a testimony to God's power.  It sure has taught me to depend on Him!

Or has it?
"The question for us, then, is whether we trust in his power. And the problem for us is that in our culture we are tempted at every turn to trust in our own power instead. So the challenge for us is to live in such a way that we are radically dependent on and desperate for the power that only God can provide." -Platt, p. 45
Do I trust God's power every day?  Do I trust Him in the mundane, silly details of life?   Do I trust Him about dreams deferred?  Am I desperate for His power?

I recognize that I can't rest on the laurels of my "radical" move to Nashville.  It isn't my "get out of jail free" spiritual pass.  The question is how can I continue to learn dependence when I'm at work, in my relationships, and in my singleness.

I touched on this briefly last week but I think one of my biggest fears/concerns is that I am still single because I would otherwise be dependent on my husband. I'm not sure why I think this- maybe I'm just grasping at straws!  I don't want my relationship with God to be displaced by anyone or anything.  The lack of a wedding ring shows that my efforts, such as they are, have not brought "success" in this area.  I believe that if I do get married, it will again be a testimony to who God is.  Not because I'm "single for a reason" but because there doesn't seem to be a reason for my singleness. Right now it seems I can better glorify His name by myself than I can with a husband. 

At times I am close to the end of my rope in terms of patience with being single.  If being single is God's best for me, then I want to be fully on board. If it's His best for now, then I need to wait on His timing.  All I can do is keep going back to God.  Ask Him for strength to keep doing this life on my own.  Ask for the Holy Spirit to comfort me when I'm hurting and lonely.  This is the little, daily dependence that I need.  This is the growth that I seek.

This post is part of the Radical Read-Along hosted by the fantastic Marla Taviano.

3 comments:

  1. By the time my husband met me, his parents had given up hope on him ever getting married. He's an amazing guy who had never even had a girlfriend and definitely was not content with being single. regardless of what he tried, it just didn't work. then God brought me into his life, someone that he didn't even look at as dating material. we were married less than year later.
    personally, i view his long journey of singleness as a blessing. he's been willing to sacrifice and commit his time to his family because he's already experienced a lot. i think the long wait has helped him value his family more because he knows all too well what life without us was like. i'm glad of that because life is crazy and stressful here.
    i hope and pray that this comment comes across as encouraging. God does some pretty amazing and wonderful things when He asks us to wait. if for some reason this is hurtful, please please forgive me and ignore my comment. blessings to you in this season of reliance and learning.

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  2. I loved your post, I often wonder if I am truly depending on him like I should.

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  3. I recognize that I can't rest on the laurels of my "radical" move to Nashville. It isn't my "get out of jail free" spiritual pass. The question is how can I continue to learn dependence when I'm at work, in my relationships, and in my singleness.

    There you have it girl! Every day God wants us to radically depend on Him...great post!

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