Saturday, August 14, 2010

Age is just a number

I am 30.  I've been 30 for 7 months now.  For some reason, I don't feel like I'm 30.  I'm not sure why that is.  Even though I wasn't thrilled to turn 30, in spite of coaching myself the year prior that it would be my best birthday yet, I made it through just fine and really haven't thought much about it since. The other day someone asked me how old I was and I had to stop and think about it.  It's not that I think I'm 29 (and holding) or perpetually stuck in my 20s.   I just don't feel 30. 

When I was in high school and college, I assumed I'd be married by now and have my 4 kids (a boy, a girl, and twins, naturally.)  Clearly this hasn't happened.  While I'd like to meet Mr. Right sooner rather than later, I've realized I'm more content in this area.  Maybe it's the effect of uprooting my entire life.  I don't think past dreams are at the root of this.

I certainly don't look 30.  Given my youthful looks, I might never look 30!  I kid, I kid.  I'll probably look 30 when I'm twice my age.  People have been telling me for eons that I'll appreciate this when I'm older.  So far, the jury is out.

I have friends that cover a wide spectrum of ages but the majority are around my age.  I think we're all realizing that you're never going to feel as mature, "put together," and in control as you envisioned you would be by a certain age.  It has nothing to do with life stage or goals and everything to do with reality.

Maybe we're eternally kids at heart.   Maybe it's because we'll never get it quite right this side of heaven.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

The truth is we are constantly changing, evolving, and wrestling with all that life throws at us.  No one, not even a perfectionist, has control of what their life will hold.  And life is a both beautiful and messy endeavor.  The older we get, the more we appreciate that fact.

And that's why I think I'll never feel my age.

Do you feel your age?  Or am I age-challenged?

(After I posted this, I read Dirty Martini Diaries hilarious account of her (second) 28th birthday.  I guess I'm not alone!)

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